The Corn Dog

Some time ago, and I won't say how long, there was a naked corn dog incident at school.  I call it an incident because it was indeed a problem.  Corn dogs should follow the dress code the same as the rest of the school and be held accountable for leaving the classroom or lunchroom where they ought to be.

A substitute was hanging out of the doorway of her classroom for the day as I strolled down the hallway on my conference period.  My moral and ethical obligation dictated that the correct, polite, and friendly response would be to stop and see if she needed help.

"That boy has something under his desk and is making everyone laugh!"

"Gee whiz! Alright.  Tell him to come with me." And so she sent the accused boy out into the hall with me and we headed for the office.

"Hand over whatever it is."

"I don't have anything," he replied as he fidgeted with his pockets.

He didn't know that I'm not allowed to search him, maybe.  I'm not really sure about that.  However, when he turned out his pockets after my asking, there was a de-breaded corn dog. Not only was it a de-breaded corn dog, but it was a de-breaded corn dog with a smiley face on the end.  Controlling my own laughter was very difficult as I realized that during class the student was holding it in his lap and playing with it like a penis.  How do I explain this when I get to the principal? 

"Hand it over, mister," I mustered as best I could with a voice of authority.  And so he did.

The office staff seemed very interested in the entire story when I arrived with the student and corn dog in tow.  As seriously and irate as I could, I relayed the story and insisted that the Mr. Principal handle this instead of Mrs. Vice Principal.

As soon as the student walked off with Mr. Principal, the entire office erupted into laughter.  What else could we do?

Lessons:
1. Corn dogs are not toys.
2. Substitutes need special training.
3. Teachers need acting lessons.